I’m writing this as a reminder to all of my peers. We are older now and throwing parties in our houses with our money is a new responsibility to us. (Remember, I’m a recent college grad and I should be living in my new place.) We have to buy the food, condiments and the beverages. I went to D.C. for the Fourth of July and I can honestly say all of our parents would have been a little disgusted with us. All had a good time though. I just want to go recap some party fouls we committed but got away with.
Tiki Torches – This seems pretty simple right? Wrong. First the oil looks like apple juice and there were two people who wanted to drink it. Hard to blame them. However, the oil is not safe to drink in any way shape or form. Make sure you fill the torches early and hide the oil. The placement of the torches is important as well. Don’t place them under trees or bushes, as we did. We got lucky nothing burned down but we really should have had some more sense. I mean we put the one torch directly underneath a branch and the other underneath a bush. Hooray future!
Food – This party was different than other Fouth parties we all had been to because we were not relying on our parents to provide any of the meat. Naturally we were more interested in taking care of it because our hourly rate tied to the meat. We were fairly angry when someone left out some burgers. I mean it’s not only gross it’s disappointing because that’s our hard earned money. Of course we weren’t really bothered by the two hot dog buns left out because you don’t need a bun to eat a hot dog and you can use a hamburger bun if you’re in a pinch.
Condiments – I arrived on the Wednesday before the Fourth. We grilled out and we were catching up. Of course we left some of the condiments out because, honestly, we didn’t want to deal with it. This was a bad plan because we were going to be grilling out for the next 4 days. Good thinking by us. Hooray youth of America! There was extra ketchup and some mustard in the refrigerator so it wasn’t a total waste. However, eating plain hamburgers and hotdogs for four days straight would have been a waste and disgusting.
Start Times – I used to laugh when parents put start times on their invites. People always show up whenever is convenient for them anyway. Now I see the wisdom in the start time. Getting around D.C. during the holiday weekend is hard and you need to plan. Of course with no start time people casually show up whenever they want. There is no impetus to get anywhere on time because there is no time. This is a mistake and we know now that start times are a must. End times did not exist however because we stayed up late celebrating and embracing Democracy and Freedom.
So Youth of America, put your food back in the refrigerator, don’t put tiki torches under flammable objects, and create a start time. But also remember these are guidelines and can be bent if necessary as I've demonstrated.
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